I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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