My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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