That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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