So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
