i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
