You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
