pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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