Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
