Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize