Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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