i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
