Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
