sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
