In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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