how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
