Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I could fuck to npr.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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