just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
