How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
