Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
