We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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