YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My penis needs a shock collar
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
