she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
