Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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