I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
