Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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