woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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