and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
