see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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