dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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