I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
