I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
there is glitter all over my balls
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