Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
