Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
