Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please come you make the beer taste better
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
