Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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