Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
