Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
