you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
