Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
