Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Nicole vs. Life
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
