"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
