if you like me you must not know who I am
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
