I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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