I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
