i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
