the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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