Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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