Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
