Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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