my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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