i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize