ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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