Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
