you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
