dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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