I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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