he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
