You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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