hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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