Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do herpes really smell.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
