Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
