I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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