He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
