i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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