i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
