we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
