I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
