he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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