I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
