I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
